Welcome to the Daily Debrief. Where am I? Why is everything so hot? The sun, why does it burn so? Why is everybody trying to shoot me! Am I in Glasgow? No, I am in California… 

I just awoke from a fitful, alcohol-induced coma, after a 600 hour flight from Heathrow, thanks for asking. The sun, which has chosen to stop bestowing its purifying light upon London, is very much on form down here. And LA—first time for me!—is certainly an adventure: Since landing, I’ve been robbed, seduced, suborned, interrogated, partially dismembered, defenestrated, shot at, thrown from a seven story building and trafficked (both ways) across the Mexican border. And yet, Debrief, the beast, must be fed… 

 

Our stuff

Rumors of a Bitcoin ETF greatly exaggerated. Slayer of dragons and killjoy Guillermo J writes today that despite the whoop-de-doo of crypto pundits, no Virginia, the SEC is no closer to approving a BitCoin ETF than ever. That doesn’t mean it won’t happen, of course. But Guillermo writes that there’s zero evidence that the Feds will sanctify the blessed event imminently. Read it, then sob.

Guns & hoses. OMG, that vitriolic blockchain hater David Gerard has written his first piece for Decrypt and it’s quite a rant! David vents his spleen at one of his favorite targets, ICOx Innovation, which first appeared on the Ge-radar (<–see what I did there!) when he dug into the ill-fated KodakOne ICO. This time, the company is trying to make it easier for people to buy guns online, via a stablecoin, the splenic Gerard fumes. Get rug-chewin’ mad right here.

The bastard child of Satoshi. It looks like my colleague Tim is still gainfully employed. This time, the contemptuous charlatan has worked himself into a fit about Matt Corallo, the Bitcoin developer responsible for fixing last year’s near-fatal vulnerability. At a recent conference, Corallo was described as “the bastard child of Satoshi.” Tim took this statement as a flimsy pretext to explore other things Corallo said at the conference. Fascinating.

EXCLUSIVE. Must credit Decrypt! Another blindingly powerful, adversarial piece of investigative reporting from Tim: a $260-ticketed “beef and Bitcoin” dinner hosted in London by Bitcoin Maximalist Jimmy Song was reportedly a “success,” according to Song himself. How did Spotlight miss this one?

Jimmy Neutrino. Oh for godsake: Yet another one from our Timbo. He actually got TWO (2) stories out of Bitcoin dev Jimmy Song, to make his output THREE (3) for today. This one is about something called Neutrino, which is a light client for Bitcoin on your mobile. A work in progress, the app makes it easier to handle full-on transactions, without a wallet or other third-party nosy parker getting in the way. It is, surprisingly, an interesting story. Well done, Tim! Now go home, please. You may read it here.

 

Other stuff

The tedious twins strike again. Facebook inventors Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss have been ordered by a New York court to reimburse the legal fees incurred by early Bitcoin investor Charlie Shrem, whom they alleged skimped them on $32 million in Bitcoin way back when. Shrem had promised to buy $250,000-worth of Bitcoin for the tedious twins in 2012, yet allegedly withheld 5,000 of the bitcoins he subsequently bought.

 

Morning McAfee. A public service announcement from leathery old man John McAfee:

“Of all the absurdities that people buy into, the concept of “Healthy Hair” is the most extreme. There is no blood flow to your curly locks; no oxygen transmission; no cell activity. Your hair is dead. Unless you’re buying hair products from a Necromancer, you are wasting time.”

Tell that to Medusa’s nourished, revitalized and writhing snake-hairs, bigot.

 

Written by Ben M. If you have information regarding Ben’s whereabouts, please contact [email protected]